The killer and the angel; both live in me. I know my killer well. She gets things done and she will
step in when something strong needs saying or doing. I watch her alive in me when I work and a decisive, clear slice of the symbolic sword is required. She has crystal clarity because there is a great white angel inhabiting the same breath as the sword slices through. She has what’s necessary to get the job done.
I know my angel. She has always been there. She is most visible in me in those tender moments and when we are bought to our knees with pain and despair. She has an exquisitely gentle presence. She will hold you in clouds of gossamer and show you what it means to have wings. She is deeply kind and my killer is there backing her up; they work together. I am grateful for them both.
I grew up in Australia. I was a gentle girl with a warrior spirit and I refused to be pretty. People expected me to be kind and I often was. People never expected me to be ruthless and I often was. I live in a colonised country, in the dominant culture so my essential needs are taken care of and in general I do not fear for my life. So why would I have to be ruthless?
There have been many times in fact, Australia can be a ruthless place. As a young woman it was not okay to acknowledge the killer in my outer world, heaven forbid my inner world. It was so dangerous, so powerful and so apparent it had to be suppressed. The true danger however was in the suppression, not in the fully owned, carefully executed expression.
It is only in maturity I have held good company with my ruthless killer. I have learnt to not only
know her but deeply value how essential she is to me and my work. It was my systemic training that invited her fully in; I accepted the invitation.
What is your relationship to your angel and your killer? Have you met one another? Where do you come from and what is your job? This relationship and our ability to integrate it seems so very critical to me when we work with others and especially in these polarised times.